Chapter 28 
(4th February 2009):


The older she gets, the bolder she gets. More successful as well. Numerous snitches from the coffee table aren’t even worth mentioning. That’s as easy as taking candy from a baby: just remember to clean off the coffee table the morning after Daddy’s midnight snack on the way back to the kitchen from my morning piddle. I’ve got about 5 minutes till Mummy notices the draft coming from the open terrace door.

One of my early successes was one day when Mummy had taken a visitor to the coast for a day on an island, leaving me with Daddy. Revenge! When informed that they were on their way home, Daddy set out everything for a cold supper, returning to the TV. Gráinne strikes. Daddy then took the platters into the dining room and couldn’t figure out why he had miscounted and set out 4 empty plates when there were only 3 people. Oh well. But where was the plate of cold cuts? Or had he forgotten to put it out? No, there were the empty containers. Gráinne? That one was really too easy, Dad.

The cleaning lady is also a simple heist. She leaves her jacket in the pantry and then wonders why there’s a sandwich wrapper lying on the floor in the hall. I didn’t even have to hurry.

One trick I’m really proud of was when I got Daddy in trouble. They brought some of Mummy’s favourite glazed doughnuts home from the States. The next day Mummy attacked Daddy, “You could have saved one for me!” “One what? I only ate one!”, Daddy was consternated. You wouldn’t believe how long it took them to figure out who the culprit was! Hee-hee! By that time it was too funny for them to be angry.

Yet my greatest achievement so far took place on a Sunday when they had brought a guest home from church. The ladies called Daddy into the dining room for a little aperitif. Hee-hee! The front row of six filets was within The Princess’s reach. Daddy returned, surprised that there were only three pieces of meat on the counter. Surely he had cut all six? Time to play the innocent. Gráinne? La-di-da-di da. Nonchalance pure. When he looked back at the counter, I dared a chew. Gráinne? La-di-da. Repeat several times. Curses! Once he looked back and caught me chewing. I quit at once and looked angelic, but the game was up. Daddy came over and found the one in my mouth, the one under my leg and the one I was hiding under my belly. Foiled. Game over.

I was slightly more successful last weekend. Mummy was hanging up fresh suet balls for the chickadees and when she turned around, one was missing. She counted again. Where could…? Oh, Her Royal Highness, the Princess Thief! Mummy caught me slinking off around the corner and pounced. Curses, foiled again. But I got their goat a few hours later, even if they did catch me munching on the one I snitched off the dryer. At least I got 2/3 of it before they spied me and I also got a slice of zwieback to neutralize the results! Now that’s a good deal, the booty plus reward. Can you believe I pulled that one off right under their noses? Gráinne’s getting good!

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