Chapter 29 
(4th February 2009):

Curses on Cannonballs

Happy Birthday to me! Everybody wanted to get in on the act. My Westie girlfriends Hollie and Daisy picked me up for a midnight walk in the freshly falling snow. Cool way to begin a birthday. It even distracted me from thoughts of the big bird resting in a laundry basket in my playpen in Gráinne’s car. Fluffy white stuff that made my wheat-colored coat look dingy by comparison. But who could see that in the dark? By the time we were finished plowing round the Cape of Good Dog and back again, I was all white anyway. Mummy rang the doorbell to get Daddy to take a picture. Then she washed all the lovely flakes and cakes out of my coat in the sh…. , bah! How I hate that word.

In the morning I got extra pats and cuddles for my birthday. Is that all? Oh, right, there’s that bird in the car and he weighs more than I do! It’ll take me at least two days to finish him off. Mummy got him out and stuffed him – make that 3 days - then he didn’t go in my bowl but into the oven! He struggled like I would but with 4 hands they just barely got him in. I know he would have preferred to go straight in my dish without passing through Hades. I wonder what he had done to deserve that? Daddy threatened me with that place back in the days of chapter 3.


Now Mummy had time for me and for my birthday walk. Off we went with my best friend Sammy in 8 inches of sticky white gum under a clear blue sky. By the time we reached the fields Mummy was pinching off the snowballs which I was storing on my legs for a big snowball fight in case we met someone to clobber. By the end of the first field I knew I had made a mistake.

Those cannonballs were getting bigger and heavier. Finally I could hardly budge nor put my legs together like a lady. I asked Mummy to relieve me of the weight and she pinched and chipped as best she could wearing ski gloves. As soon as I took a step, it was all back on again. All that beautiful weather and all I could do was watch Sammy enviously as she tore through the snowy fields, circling and zig-zagging.



Eventually we decided to turn back, as there was no way I’d manage another hour of hop-hop-leap, Mummy, help! Finally Mummy realized that I had used up all my strength and was beginning to breathe hard. We compromised and she carried me 10 feet, I leaped three times, repeat. We needed another strategy, as Mummy was weakening, too, carrying me and all those cannonballs. So when she threw me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, I didn’t struggle a bit. Anything’s better than having a heart attack.

Finally we were back to the dirt road and Aunt Uschi called Daddy to come and pick us up with my station wagon. Now even he was laughing at me. By the time we got home the dark blue carpet of my playpen looked like the Arctic Ocean – ice floes swimming in the dark blue water - and this time I was actually glad to see the shower.

I had to take a nap after our aborted adventure, while Mummy got Big Bird ready for my dinner. When my birthday guests arrived, I was raring to go again. The last ones to come were dressed up as the Indians who were invited by the Pilgrims. What? Thanksgiving? Not Gráinne’s bird? Oh, poor sad doggie! At least I could munch on a new bully stick next to the table while they massacred my bird. Nobody complained about the smell and I got to share the pumpkin pie.

Back to my homepage            Proceed to next chapter